@upshine3
Jul 1
Dating an ADHD woman is the most intense relationship I've ever been in.
Here are 3 things I had to unlearn to make it actually work:
1. One Cold Text Can Ruin Her Entire Day
I replied with "k" once when I was busy.
By the time I called back she was convinced it was over - that's Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and it moves faster than logic.
2. She's Not Overreacting
When something hurts her it comes out at full volume - or not at all.
Her nervous system has no middle setting. My job is to be the calm she can't always access herself.
3. The Guilt Is Already There
She forgot. She cancelled. She said the wrong thing.
Before I could react she was already drowning in shame - the last thing she needs is me adding to it.
Are all deviations from the norm now "ADHD"? In the 70s we'd have called such a person "insecure" or "neurotic" or "oversensitive" or "easily hurt". We'd have said they had "low self-esteem". If this was you, you were supposed to fix yourself. "Grow a thicker skin." "Get therapy."
"Neurosis is an outmoded term for a broad category of mental health issues characterized by chronic emotional distress, anxiety or depression," says Google AI. In the 70s we accused each other of being neurotic all day long. I'm so glad it's outmoded. (See the diagram above: it's an easy guide to what society requires of you.)
The individuals were always talked about in isolation. I wonder why the woman described feels so guilty? When people feel hurt it's usually because others are hurting them, or have hurt them. Never mind the current terminology, be excellent to each other, dudes.
